Late night thoughts

Hey guys! So it is now 11:27 p.m. and I have SO many thoughts running through my mind, i'm going to do my best to put them all together in a way that makes sense.

Tonight I was confronted about WHY I open up so much about my personal life to the media.

It complicates things for me. It isn't easy. People judge my actions easier because they know more. I have to be more careful.

I began to think...really then? Why? Why do I do this.

Really discouraged.

I hope you can try to understand that opening up about myself is not at ALL easy for me! Of course I enjoy it, I love to write... but I nevvvvver imagined myself writing about troubling times in my life. You guys, if this was easy for me, and I wanted to open up so much about my personal life... I would do it every day. But, if you notice, I do have long gaps in between my posts. I have to remind myself of where I was, and that encourages me to come write.

I do this because I love to help other people. I love to be able to connect with people on a level that not many people are familiar with these days. It doesn't even have to be people... just ONE person, if there is ONE person who can benefit from my writings, i'll never stop. I want someone to be able to feel like they have a place/person to come to when they feel lonely. I want someone to know they have a friend in me forever when nobody else is available.

While I was having these "WHY?" thoughts... I recieved a text referring to my latest blog post: "...to share your struggles with the world, I figured I'd lift some of the weight my heart has been carrying by sharing how I feel, even if it's sharing it with just one person." And I had an "Ah-ha" moment. YES! THAT is exactly why I open up about my struggles. So that someone may be able to lift some heavy weight off their own heart. And if that means I have to carry a ton of weight, I don't care, I would glady do it.

So, I love you who continue to encourage me. It means so much more than you can ever imagine. Although not everyone may agree with the way I put my feelings out there, it is not for everyone, and I can understand that.

Also, a tiny side note that has been brought to my attention. When I open up about my break up, it is not, by all means, meant to bring bad attention on my relationship. I open up about my relationship because they were raw, real, emotions I experienced and I imagine that others may have gone through the same. Therefore, I open up and give you insight on how I delt with it.

If I have made anyone seem like a bad person, I apologize and I plan to do a better job with that.

A love like I had/have, does not go away over night, months, even years. I am in a much happier place. I have grown, and learned so much, and I plan to continue in that.

Maybe I've given the impression that I am still in my "broken-hearted girl" phase, but that is not true. For people who know me, know that I am much happier these days, yet I forget that not everyone can see that , you only go based off of what you read.

I'm here to tell you tonight that I am happier. These days are brighter, and my light is clearer.

I hope that we may all find out light in darkness, as I have found mine.

I know I will still go through tunnels, and when I find my way out, best believe i'll write about the experience!

I continue to write about my dark times, not to glorify them, but in hopes that someone may benefit, in a good way. We don't all face the same struggles at the same time, maybe mine are here to help somone with things they struggle with today, or experiences they'll face. Shoot, I may even benefit from this in my future!

It is terrifying for me to open up about these things. My fear is that someone will misunderstand me. I wan to be as relatable as I can to everyone, but that isn't always possible, all I can do is be me, and share my true feelings. I am also here to better myself! I hope you understand!

I love this. I love to be able to connect. To know i've been able to help someone feels like i've stole a base off the league's best catcher! ;) for all my softball girls!

LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!!!! IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!