Lonely

Excuse me if this blog post is sort of all over the place. I have a million thoughts running through my mind, I don't want to lose them. My fingers don't type fast enough though, I wish my thoughts could type themselves, I'd have three books already.

Look, I even forgot to say hi....HI!

Okay, let's get down to business: thoughts.

Thought number 1: Recently I feel like I have come to a full understanding of what being "lonely" is. Through out these past two-three years, I have found to have experienced some of the loneliest times and places. I feel like I could have been in a room full of happy people, but some how I still felt so alone. So maybe I can come to the conclusion that your feeling of being lonely can depend on your happiness? Yes, that makes perfect sense to me! Yes I have felt lonely, sad and lonely and misunderstood. But recently, I have learned a lot about loneliness. Over the past couple of months I have had a complete turn around when it comes to being "alone" and lonely. There are times these months that have reminded me of my past, only I don't feel alone. In a room full of people, I am apart of those people. In a dark room by myself and in my own thoughts, I feel comfort.

I have always known that God is by my side, he will never leave me. But I am now able to experience that and fully understand it.

When I am alone, I no longer feel lonely. My heart and mind are content. When I'm alone God sparks this fire in my heart to care for other people, and think about them, and pray for them. I get this desire to love on other people. And I never thought i'd say this guys... but I have definitely had some time to think about myself, my life and my goals. When I am alone I know God is with me.

Look at me, I am alone right now. I just got done with a lonely 45 minute car drive, I am alone in my room, and God has led me to come here and write to whoever is going to read. God, that is amazing. I am not alone. He is right beside me. Wow. Wow.

I could so easily lock myself in my room to drown in my own tears and loneliness, but God has taken that away from me. He has shielded me from that sadness and I no longer plan on going back there. He has built me up and I am stronger now, and he leads me in ways that I am not even sure of right now. I am just so amazed, and thankful, for this change of heart, and overwhelming amount of strength that God has provided for me. One of the things I pray for constantly is my strength. I can be so weak. I pray for strength, and I have been provided with just enough to keep me at peace. Even though I am just sitting down writing, I feel so alive, and my fingers are dancing. I am not alone. I am not.

OKAAAAAYYYY, so that was much longer than I expected, and that was only my first thought! So we'll leave my other thoughts for later posts, because to be quite honest, I forgot them already. See I told you, I wish my thoughts could type out themselves.

If you're reading this, I hope you find the love that God has laid out for you. If you allow him to guide your ways, he will, and he won't leave you. Open your heart, what do you have to lose? I found my light in darkness.

Till next time! Love you guys.